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From Suicidal to Realizing I'm Already Loved | Posted August 20, 2024
Allow me to share Dean Mark Hilario Enoza's story behind this song:
I released "Already Loved" on the 10th anniversary of my Christian baptism (Aug. 17, 2014). It is my second Christian song, and features Eric Haley, a worship leader from Texas, USA. This song is about my journey with God over the years, and is inspired by the story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42). My understanding of God’s love radically changed, from a place of striving to a place of resting in His unconditional love.
In 2015, someone prophesied that God would be delighted with the songs that I would be creating, and nine years later this prophecy is unfolding. I am grateful for the Songwriting Stream this year at Awaken Generation school, which reawakened the gift of worship songwriting. I want to thank everyone who helped me refine my lengthy and wordy draft into the final version that you can hear today (thank you Delphne, Justin, Jon, Yumin, Stacey, Sandra, and Ian + my peers for your amazing input.).
The bridge of the song is very meaningful to me, proclaiming Jesus’ finished work on the cross. It’s my personal anthem, and a precious reminder that I am enough because of what Christ has already done for me: "Your work is done, and it’s beautiful. Your grace has come, and embraced me... I don’t need to create something great to make You love me."
The cover art of this release also has a very personal story behind it. It's actually a painting that I made with the title "Thank You for Saving Me". I finished the painting in 2022, and it illustrates a vision that I had when I was 20 years old. I was at my lowest at the time, hating and cursing God, and attempted to take my own life. But that night, Jesus came to me in a vision. His presence shone with an indescribable light, and I knelt before Him, covering my face, feeling so unworthy. That is the scene that I tried to capture in this painting — the face of Jesus bathed in light, and below it, you see me, kneeling in shame and guilt.
His light stripped me of all pretense, revealing my sinfulness and shame, yet it was also a light of unconditional love, forgiveness, and acceptance. He showed me heaven and hell, and in that moment, I realized how much my life mattered to Him. He told me, "I died for you… I did this for you," and I knew that my life was valuable, that I was loved beyond measure. This vision has been my anchor in times of trouble, reminding me that no matter how far I fall, His love is there to catch me.
"Already Loved" is more than a song to me—it’s a testament to God’s relentless love, a love that found me when I was lost, that lifted me up when I was at rock bottom, and it reminds me every day that I am already loved. The song is my way of telling God, "I see You, I know You, and I am so grateful for Your love that I could never have earned, but that You give freely."
May this journey spark your own journey from doing to being—from striving to simply sitting at Jesus’ feet, just like Mary did in Luke 10.
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