It’s like my brain has found a
Place to call home
But the heart just wouldn’t buy into
The space that logic has picked
It just isn’t what it wanted to settle for
And so it packed it’s bags
And left a note
Promising to return
If nothing else worked out
But it’s still lost
Somewhere between hope
And all of my doubt
Still straining on the reigns
It’s been roped into
But now slowly calming down
Not sprinting
Or raging like with the spirit
Of a horse roaming free
But understanding that it has a handicap:
The fact that it belong to me
So we’ll see
Where this path goes
And if it stops
I’ll try another one
I will wander until I find home
But the one thing I will never own
Is the fact that nobody told me it would hurt
This much
It has seen sights
That my parents could only imagine
And I can only dream of
Because I missed it
In the bitterness
The wilderness of justice
That I seemed to also
Gloss over
I saw it in shadow
In the darkness that
Crept into a hole
That I had dug for myself
In an attempt to grow
But was too shallow to actually
Plant anything
But I did try
And what I saw was beautiful
I saw a traveler
Driven with purpose
Get lost on the way to their destination
But still enjoy the journey
Someone that was able to rise
Out of their circumstances
And through their growing pains
Into something worth reading about
The end result of someone
Either to brave or too stupid to
Stop trying
And I’d be lying if I said
I wasn’t proud
I am the product of an ongoing process
Processing my emotions and all of my fears
That I can hear beating in my chest
At the best of times
And breaking during the worst
But here’s what I do know
It won’t stop beating
It still keeps ticking
When my brain forecloses
On the place it said we had to build
It still keeps ticking
When the plumbing’s still not right
For her to actually share her skills
It keeps ticking
Even when rejection is still what’s paying my bills
It keeps ticking
When I pray for it not to
When I beg to feel nothing
Or something
Or anything at all
It keeps ticking
Because somewhere I am still fighting
For that wanderer
And all the dreams in her head
For all of the things she’s ever wanted
And for the feelings she’s never said
For all of the insults ever spoken
And the parts she wished were dead
I’m fighting for them all
Wandering
Looking
For a place to call
Home
