I have a rule
I’m not allowed to hate you
Until I’ve met you
The problem is
I’ve met you
And We spent a lot of time together
I remember the first time I was over
I only came out of pity
My friend invited me
But you quickly discovered
That the way to my heart was through
Food
And you knew I was still skeptical
So you pulled out all the stops
On the Wednesday’s that I was free
To make it seem as though
You wanted to spend time with me
Although nothing with you ever started on time
I had heartstrings as long as my shoelaces
And they always seemed to be stuck in
Knots
Tying me into situations
I couldn’t sneak away from
But I was emotional
And you saw that
And tugged
And suddenly
I was married to
The idea of you
I was in love
With the idea of being
Loved
And you gave me that
Along with some other facts
That should have been viewed
As signs that I may be in trouble
But you ere symbolic
Of the companionship I was missing
That came in the form fitting a
Mistake, the scars of which
Would remain tattooed
On my way out of your door
You never hit me
But you didn’t have to
The bruises that were left in your wake
Told others I belonged to you
And they stayed away
But I kept coming back
To hear you preach to me that
If I had simply behaved
And kept my mouth shut
Things wouldn’t have ended
This way
So I stayed
As you also told me that a well behaved
Woman had her place
That may have been as far away from
The stage as possible
Probably closer to the kitchen to be
Invited out for your dinners
So you can continually
call yourself progressive
I’m
Remembering that
It wasn’t always this way
I was celebrated with you
As long as I turned up pretty
With the cuts you had given me under wraps
So that your visitors won’t see
Smile while their here
Or hear your words later
Those actions should have been suggestive to me
That maybe something was wrong
But I didn’t listen
As your songs told me that my heart
Was not to be trusted
And my soul should remain undusted
In a corner
For you to tout you’ve collected later
We were soul mates
But I hated you
I talked to others about you
And while my faith was never shaken
I was awakened to the fact that
I only served the image of the one
I fell in love with in the first place
As I rested my case in the hands of
One who proclaimed themselves
Both judge and jury as well as god
Odd isn’t it?
That through you I learned to trust
And now cant allow one to get as close to
My secrets as you were
Because chapel doors never marked the end
Of how far they’d travel
And as my image of you began to unravel
I finally saw my mistake
And started to hunt down the pieces of my creation you had taken from me
Healing will be a process
Forgiveness won’t be easy
But I think I know
What was bothering me
The realization of which will
Only push me farther
I think my problem is not that
I hate you
It’s just that
You look nothing like my father
